10. Enormous, hairy pig with fan
9. Hey, ignoramus -- win profit? Ha!
8. Oh-oh, wiring snafu: empty air
7. When forming, utopia's hairy
6. A rough whimper of insanity
5. Oh, wormy infuriating phase
4. Inspire humanity, who go far
3. Waiting for any promise, huh?
2. Hi-ho! Yow! I'm surfing Arpanet!
And the number one anagram for "Information Superhighway":
1. New utopia? Horrifying sham
"You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we do not have electricity nor computers, you are on the honor system. Please delete all of your files.
Thank thee."
In theory, two minutes.
In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares.
auto accident;
register voters;
static electricity;
struct by_lightning;
void *where_prohibited;
char broiled;
short circuit;
short changed;
long johns;
unsigned long letter;
double entendre;
double trouble;
volatile personality ;
union dues ;
This is one of the finest 20 things I've ever read on the Net:
http://belps.freewebsites.com
Short summary: professional spam company annoys the wrong person.Not only is this hilarious, but it will provide a detailed and fascinating view of how these operations work, and just how profitable they are. I was particularly interested to see the market forces at work that keep them in business. The sorry conclusion is that spamming, when done well, is really quite lucrative.
WARNING: Do NOT calculate Pi in binary. It is conjectured that this number is normal, meaning that it contains ALL finite bit strings.If you compute it, you will be guilty of:
- Copyright infringement (of all books, all short stories, all newspapers, all magazines, all web sites, all music, all movies, and all software, including the complete Windows source code)
- Trademark infringement
- Possession of child pornography
- Espionage (unauthorized possession of top secret information)
- Possession of DVD-cracking software
- Possession of threats to the President
- Possession of everyone's SSN, everyone's credit card numbers, everyone's PIN numbers, everyone's unlisted phone numbers, and everyone's passwords
- Defaming Islam. Not technically illegal, but you'll have to go into hiding along with Salman Rushdie.
- Defaming Scientology. Which IS illegal -- just ask Keith Henson.
Also, your computer will contain all of the nastiest known computer viruses. In fact, all of the nastiest POSSIBLE computer viruses.
Some of the files on my PC are intensely personal, and I for one don't want you snooping through a copy of them.
You might get away with computing just a few digits, but why risk it? There's no telling how far into Pi you can go without finding the secret documents about the JFK assassination, a photograph of your neighbor's six year old daughter doing the nasty with the family dog, or a complete copy of the not-yet-released Pearl Harbor movie. So just don't do it.
The same warning applies to e, the square root of 2, Euler's constant, Phi, the cosine of any non-zero algebraic number, and the vast majority of all other real numbers.
There's a reason why these numbers are always computed and shown in decimal, after all.
A. Eight:
1 to create a syntax for expressing light bulbs
2 to create broadly similar yet different APIs for interacting with light bulbs
1 to argue that the API differences can be resolved by splitting the universe of light bulb applications into physical-model and logical-model camps.
1 to argue that no single, cohesive model is possible.
1 to disagree and invent yet another "gee! all light bulbs can be thought of in terms of nodes and arcs" model.
1 to question the sanity of all this and just get stuff working by hacking simple lightbulb instances into relational databases and processing them with Perl.
1 to write the meta-light-bulb joke about it and post it on xml-dev
Researchers Shocked to Finally Find Virus That Email App Doesn't Like
Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.
"Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through
Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected,"
said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy, and a lot of fun! He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5." Again ,the Engineer politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!!!!!" This catches the Engineer's complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The Programmer asks the first question. "What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Engineer doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pulls out a $5 and hands it to the Programmer.
Now, it is the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50.
The Engineer politely takes the $50, and turns away to go back to sleep. The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the
Programmer $5 and goes back to sleep!
The National Westminster Bank in England admitted last month that it keeps personal information about its customers such as their political affiliation on computer. But now Computer Weekly reveals that a financial institution, sadly unnamed, has gone one better and moved into the realm of personal abuse.
The institution decided to mass mail 2000 of its richest
customers, inviting them to buy extra services. One of its computer
programmers wrote a program to search through the databases and select its
customers automatically. He tested the program with an imaginary customer
called Rich Bastard. Unfortunately, an error resulted in all 2000 letters
being addressed "Dear Rich Bastard". The luckless programmer was
subsequently fired.
I went to a fast-food place for lunch. When I arrived, I found that the menu had been taken down, and all the employees were standing in a line behind the counter waiting for my orders. Each of them was maller than I remembered, there were more of them than I'd ever seen before, and they had very strange names on their nametags. I tried to give my order to the first employee, but he just said something about a "syntax error." I tried another employee with no more luck. He just said "Eh?" no matter what I told him. I had similar experiences with several other employees. (One employee named "ed" didn't even say "Eh?," he just looked at me quizzically.)
Disgusted, I sought out the manager (at least it said "man" on his nametag) and asked him for help. He told me that he didn't know anything about "help," and to try somebody else with a strange name for more information. The fellow with the strange name didn't know anything about "help" either, but when I told him I just wanted to order he directed me to a girl named "oe," who handled order entry. (He also told me about several other employees I couldn't care less about, but at least I got the information I needed.)
I went to "oe" and when I got to the front of the queue she just smiled at me. I smiled back. She just smiled some more. Eventually I realized that I shouldn't expect a prompt. I asked for a hamburger. She didn't respond, but since she didn't say "Eh?" I knew I'd done something right. We smiled at each other for a little while longer, then I told her I was finished with my order. She directed me to the cashier, where I paid and received my order.
The hamburger was fine, but it was completely bare... not even a bun. I went back to "oe" to complain, but she just said "Eh?" a lot. I went to the manager and asked him about "oe." The manager explained to me that "oe" had thousands of options, but if I wanted any of them I'd have to know in advance what they were and exactly how to ask for them. He also told me about "vi," who would write down my order and let me correct it before I was done, and how to hand the written order to "oe". "vi" had a nasty habit of not writing down my corrections unless I told her that I was about to make a correction, but it was still easier than dealing directly with "oe."
By this time I was really hungry, but I didn't have enough money to
order again, so I figured out how to redirect somebody else's order to
my plate. Security was pretty lax at that place.
As I was walking out the door, I was snagged in a giant Net. I
screamed and woke up.
--
David D. Levine
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes
your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is
corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network
is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to
tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer
down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of
gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may
as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the
sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash
your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the
computer and be sure to tell your mom.
A: 1,331:
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Next the frog yells, "Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have
time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.
"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
| Could u define a procedure for me | Define a procedure which takes a number N and a list LS and returns a | list of numbers in LS that are greater than N: | | EX (procedure 3 '(3 4 5 6) ==> (4 5 6) | | i need to know this by friday @ 500 so if you could help id | appreciate it!Sure.
(define procedure
(letrec ((k-car (lambda (p k) (k (car p))))
(k-cdr (lambda (p k) (k (cdr p))))
(k-cons (lambda (a d k) (k (cons a d))))
(k-pair? (lambda (p k) (k (pair? p))))
(k-not (lambda (v k) (k (not v))))
(k-> (lambda (x y k) (k (> x y))))
(k-procedure
(lambda (n ls k)
(k-pair?
ls
(lambda (v)
(k-not
v
(lambda (v)
(if v
(k ls)
(k-cdr
ls
(lambda (d)
(k-procedure
n d
(lambda (r)
(k-car
ls
(lambda (t)
(k->
t n
(lambda (v)
(if v
(k-cons t r k)
(k r))))))))))))))))))
(lambda (n ls)
(k-procedure n ls (lambda (v) v)))))
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.
"I could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it." Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his everyday problems. "Our telecommunications systems offer people all over the world global networking solutions that fit their specific needs," said Herbert Ross, IBM's director of marketing. "Whether you're a nun cloistered in an Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great Sandy Desert, IBM has the ideas to get you where you want to go today."
According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features, most impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily sustained several minutes of vigorous pounding against a large stone. "I put the nut on a rock, and I hit it with the modem," Ndeti said. "The modem did not break. It is a good modem."
Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a new, state-of-the-art IBM workstation, complete with a PowerPC 601 microprocessor, a quad-speed internal CD-ROM drive and three 16-bit ethernet networking connectors. The tribesman has already made good use of the computer system, fashioning a gazelle trap out of its wires, a boat anchor out of the monitor and a crude but effective weapon from its mouse.
"This is a good computer," said Ndeti, carving up a just-captured gazelle with the computer's flat, sharp internal processing device. "I am using every part of it. I will cook this gazelle on the keyboard." Hours later, Ndeti capped off his delicious gazelle dinner by smoking the computer's 200-page owner's manual.
IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers. "We are pleased
that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for their business needs,"
said company CEO William Allaire. "From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM
is
bringing the world closer together. Our cutting-edge technology is
truly creating a global village."
IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICECongratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to:
PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back "defective" merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the device in acid for six days. So, in writing these instructions, we naturally tend to assume that your skull is filled with dead insects, but we mean nothing by it. OK?
Now let's talk about:
1. UNPACKING THE DEVICE
The device is encased in foam to protect it from the Shipping People, who like nothing more than to jab spears into outgoing boxes.
PLEASE INSPECT THE CONTENTS CAREFULLY FOR GASHES OR IDA MAE BARKER'S ENGAGEMENT RING, WHICH SHE LOST LAST WEEK, AND SHE THINKS MAYBE IT WAS WHILE SHE WAS PACKING DEVICES.
Ida Mae really wants that ring back, because it is her only proof of engagement, and her fiancee, Stuart, is now seriously considering backing out on the whole thing in as much as he had consumed most of a bottle of Jim Beam in Quality Control when he decided to pop the question. It is not without irony that Ida Mae's last name is "Barker", if you get our drift.
WARNING: DO NOT EVER AS LONG AS YOU LIVE THROW AWAY THE BOX OR ANY OF THE PIECES OF STYROFOAM, EVEN THE LITTLE ONES SHAPED LIKE PEANUTS.
If you attempt to return the device to the store, and you are missing one single peanut, the store personnel will laugh in the chilling manner exhibited by Joseph Stalin just after he enslaved Eastern Europe.
Besides the device, the box should contain:
* Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING"
* A little plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable.
IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse and say "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why."
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. And not Pete.
2. PLUGGING IN THE DEVICE
The plug on this device represents the latest thinking of the electrical industry's Plug Mutation Group, which, in a continuing effort to prevent consumers from causing hazardous electrical current to flow through their appliances, developed the Three-Pronged Plug, then the Plug Where One Prong is Bigger Than the Other. Your device is equipped with the revolutionary new Plug Whose Prongs Consist of Six Small Religious Figurines Made of Chocolate.
DO NOT TRY TO PLUG IT IN!
Lay it gently on the floor near an outlet, but out of direct sunlight, and clean it weekly with a damp handkerchief.
WARNING: WHEN YOU ARE LAYING THE PLUG ON THE FLOOR, DO NOT HOLD A SHARP OBJECT IN YOUR OTHER HAND AND TRIP OVER THE CORD AND POKE YOUR EYE OUT, AS THIS COULD VOID THE WARRANTY.
3. OPERATION OF THE DEVICE
WARNING: WE MANUFACTURE ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE DESIGNER CASE. THE ACTUAL WORKING CENTRAL PARTS OF THE DEVICE ARE MANUFACTURED IN JAPAN. THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE TRANSLATED BY MRS. SHIRLEY PELTWATER OF ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE, WHO HAS NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO JAPAN BUT DOES HAVE MOST OF "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.
INSTRUCTIONS: For results that can be the finest, it is our advising that: NEVER to hold these buttons two times!! Except the battery. Next taking the (something) earth section may cause a large occurrence! However. If this is not a trouble, such rotation is a very maintainence action, as a kindly (something) virepoint from Drawing B.
4. WARRANTY
Be it hereby known that this device, together with but not excluding all those certain parts thereunto, shall be warrantied against all defects, failures and malfunctions as shall occur between now and Thursday afternoon shortly before 2, during which time the Manufacturer will, at no charge to the Owner, send the device to our Service People, who will emerge from their caves and engage in rituals designed to cleanse it of evil spirits. This warranty does not cover the attractive designer case.
WARNING: IT MAY BE A VIOLATION OF SOME LAW THAT MRS. SHIRLEY PELTWATER HAS "SHOGUN" ON TAPE.
*File Description: pshift - The Paradigm Shift Utility*
PSHIFT(1) USER COMMANDS
PSHIFT(1)
NAME
pshift - paradigm shift utility
SYNOPSIS
pshift [-zzeitgeist] [-rragelev] [-v] [-c] [-wn] [+|-n]
DESCRIPTION
The pshift operator performs a paradigm shift on its input stream
within the context of the current or specified zeitgeist.
OPTIONS
-z Specify the zeitgeist context. May be specified here or
from
the environment variable $ZEITGEIST.
Supported values of zeitgeist are judeo_christian
(default), postcommunist, new_age, and
when_god_was_a_woman.
-r Specify rage level. Acceptable values of ragelev are
ennui (default), deep_seated, and consuming.
-v Set to verbose mode. Normally pshift operates silently;
in
verbose mode it publishes a 500+ page bestseller entitled
"Rethinking [input stream] in the [zeitgeist] Age", and
then begins soliciting honoraria until the operator types
ctrl-c. On some systems it runs for Congress.
-c Set to collective IO. Normally pshift takes its input
from
stdin and outputs to stdout; in collective mode it takes
its input from the Collective Unconscious and writes to
the Body Politic.
-wn Specify first, second, third or fourth wave. Acceptable
values for n are 0,1,2 or 3, with 2 (third wave) being the
default.
[On Sun systems, the logical waves are 0,3,2,1, which map
to physical waves 0,1,2,3; see Sun Technical Manual for
details.]
+|-n Specifies the number of times to prepend 'post' to the
zeitgeist context, if positive, or 'pre' if negative. The
default is 11.
EXAMPLES
source $DEITY | pshift -zpostcommunist -rdeep_seated -v +1
On most systems, the above command will output a hardcover volume
called "Rethinking God in the Post-Postcommunist Era", in which
the irrelevence of erstwhile religious concepts is seen to have
triggered a global, deep-seated rage vis-a-vis traditional
sociopolitical norms leading to a premature breakdown of emerging
postsoviet infrastructure.
pshift -znew_age -rennui
The above command produces no output, but privately processes a
vague discontent which it will share if its space is honored. May
be redirected to /dev/null.
pshift -c -w3 -1
Taking its input from the collective unconscious, the above
command rejects the failed socioeconomic policies of the last
thirty years and replaces them with a futurist, fourth wave
polemic of traditional values, the two-parent family, and the
supremacy of the private sector that was the foundation of the
American utopia of the 1950s. Use a prepend value of -2 to
restore the American utopia of the early Industrial Age, a value
of -3 to restore the European utopia of the Enlightenment, -4 for
catholic hegemony, etc. (note: Requires grass root permission.
In verbose mode, it may also require a $4 million advance.)
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around and around. There is not much else to do.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.
Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
Subject: Simple Caveman needum printer help. Me caveman, simple folk. Want hook-up two printer, two computer. OOG, let me scratch on cave wall:
_________ _________ | P5-90 |
LPT1 | P5-60 | | Win95 |\
| Win3.1| | | \ |
| --------- \ ----|----
? | \ | LPT1 to 1284D
| \ |
__?_|____ \ to 1284C ____|____
| Djet | \_____________| Ljet |
| 855c | | 5MP |
--------- ---------
Gottum 1284C, 1284D cables to Ljet HP 5MP many moons now, work like
bear-bone charm. Two computers talk to HP Ljet, share-share-alike. HP
Ljet 5MP like EPP, like talk to P5-90, P5-60, say "me here! me busy! me
needum paper!"
Then Djet 855c join home last moon, much powerful magic. Needum make P5-90 talkum to Djet too. Don't like way me change printers now ... gottum shut down P5-90, change cables, reboot. Win95 stink like big pile mammoth dung, many flies, much bad wind.
Me think me just add new parallel port, LPT2, on little card. But evil spirits lurk; not many IRQs, caveman afraid change soundcard IRQ from 5, for evil Win95 never saw soundcard, will kill or hurt soundcard if find out. Need LPT2 me can assign any IRQ. Me see FarPoint makum extra Parallel port card, but FarPoint say no good with evil, evil Win95. Me want EPP port, most card not EPP, or have all manner expensive junk me no want.
Or maybe can use fast serial with HP 855c? Gottum extra serial port on 855c, made for funny fruit computer (Appletalk? Me never hear apple talk in all days as caveman, travel many many lands). Gottum extra unused 16550 serial on P5-90.
Win95 bad, bad medicine. Stink like ground sloth with mange. MS try make
like fruit computer, computer think it know what caveman want, really just
do random thing it want.
12413AEB2ED4FA5E6F7D78E78BEDE8209450920F923A40EE10E510CC98D444AA08E1324
'I cannot understand the fiery letters,' I said. 'No but I can,' he said. 'The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:'
One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
"That's right," he says, a little surprised. "How'd you know?"
"Well, I could tell just by looking at you how intelligent you were -- something in the eyes, I guess." He's flattered, and they talk for a while, then she goes back to circulating. After a while, she buttonholes another man and says, "I bet you're a Harvard man."
"Yeah, how'd you guess?" he asks.
"Easy: I saw by the way you held yourself that you were very suave and self-assured." They chat for a little while, and she resumes walking around. She comes up to a third guest and says, "Hey, you're from MIT, right?"
"I am," he answers her. Having overheard the other two conversations, he eagerly says, "How could you tell? Did I look smart, or confident, or handsome or something?"
"No," she says. "I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."
Over on one of the Usenet newsgroups, someone suggested that the events on Tuesday (Sept. 11, 2001) were perpetrated by US Intelligence to provoke a war with "the arabs". This was a response to it:
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, and a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Insensate, blinking calves, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, and a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane.
You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are Trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.
This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away all of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a coherent statement was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a patch of paranoia among a load of babbling was hardly effective...
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometime forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
Hope this finds you in good health